a little bit of everything
No one could tell that there was any friction in her
That she would ignite the first spark all on her own
That she would run with it
Spreading a fire in all directions
No one could blame her either
She was full of energy that could no longer be contained
She would no longer be swept away
But instead, be the one to fan the flames
How many times must I fly around the sun
In this dance of night and day
Watching you rise and fall alone
Before you remember where we both belong?
Continue reading “Eye of Ra”
Should I have memorized
The way your hands fit in between these lines
The way your fingers touched upon every word
The way they traced every letter’s curve
I know it looks like an oasis
But it’s actually
A full on paradise
The kind you only see in movies and in dreams
And hallucinations
No, it’s not your imagination
It’s an actual representation
Of what I have available for you
And only you
Man
Won’t you see the truth and not the mirage
You’ll love it even more
Once you see what’s in store
I started whole
Complete
One big, unaltered piece
Never lost
Always in place
Until cuts were made
Sharp and deep
Until there were many pieces
And then many more
And more
Until it was too much to keep up with
And I dropped pieces everywhere I’d go
Sometimes I would miss them
Sometimes I’d forget about them
Sometimes I’d feel incomplete
Sometimes I’d try to fill the spaces with things that didn’t fit
I tried to make the wrong pieces fit
I tried to use pieces from other puzzles
I tried to enlarge the pieces I did have
Hoping they’d fill in the empty spaces
Nothing seemed to work
Or worked only temporarily
But it’s okay
I make it work
An incomplete picture can still be art
I am still art
I decide if I’m complete
Unsent a message
Just as soon as you sent it
But I took a screen shot of the notification
A mouthful about nothing if you had to unsend it
A whole paragraph about things you’ve been feeling
Just to take it all back
To make me think that I’m seeing things
If it isn’t there now, did it never exist?
Typing, typing
Stop.
Offline.
Well, just say what you have to say
Or don’t bother at all
What’s the difference if you’re scared and always “unsending” your feelings?
Alright, let me say something, for a change:
I’m not sitting around waiting, so if you want something, express it.
Don’t take it back shyly. It’s not cute or appealing.
I like…
Determination.
Expression.
Confidence.
Hit Send!
Okay, wait… did I really just send that?
What if I’ve been shunned, removed, exiled?
Am I still a part of the movement?
Or have I been deserted?
Do I have what it takes,
Or has all my energy been exerted?
In the light of day,
Do I appear to be sublime
But when it gets dark out,
I am less than divine?
I ask because I truly wonder
Do I dare feel confident
Or have my dreams been plundered?
If the moon should shift
And show the other side,
Should I be afraid?
Should I run and hide?
What if I don’t feel safe, secure, sheltered?
Am I still courageous?
Am I quick to fall
When it gets too heavy?
I know I need to keep going
Keep pushing through
But are you really out there?
Is it really true?
One day I dream,
One day I don’t.
One night I see,
One night I won’t.
If the sun should fade
And put away its glow,
Will it all freeze up?
Will I turn to stone?
Just like this tea, I am in need
Of some sugar, honey, and maybe cream
So hot and spicy
This ginger tea
To ease the pain
Of my unsettled woes
To ease the strain
On my severed hopes
To soothe my throat
After all this crying
To give me life
When I feel I’m dying
Just like this tea
I can heal my pain
Forget the sadness
Ignore the rain
Take joy in each sip
From the cup that’s life
Go on with my day
Until it turns to night
Just like this tea
I am in need
To be poured into a vessel
And be held
And ease
For the past month or so, I haven’t posted anything on my blog. And I barely posted and interacted on social media in general. For some reason, I just felt… blocked. Each time I tried to post something, it just didn’t feel right. I know what you might be thinking, and trust me, I’ve thought it too: “Just do it!” Right? But I’m big on energy. The energy didn’t feel right. And so, to preserve my own energy, I decided to just take a break from the online world.
It was a much needed transition from 2020 into 2021.
Often, we act like things will automatically change when the year changes, or when the month changes, or when the season changes. And that’s not truly the case, which is why new year’s resolutions often fail. Small, gradual lifestyle changes are much more likely to stick. And these lead to greater, more profound changes that will really make a nice impact on your life. This year, instead of coming up with resolutions that I know I won’t stick to, I’ve been thinking about what I want to experience and how I want to impact people. And the little changes I can implement here and there to help me reach those goals.
A few things I will do my best to commit to are…
Consistency. This one is difficult, as a full-time employee and single mother. Getting anything else done, besides working for my regular paycheck and taking care of my little one, is a struggle more often than not. My number one priority is my son, and I don’t want to take away from quality time with him during the very important toddler years. He’s learning and growing so much everyday! Lately, we have been working on ways to keep him happily occupied while I take care of other tasks.
New Content. When I first started this blog, it was really just a place where I’d upload travel pics, random thoughts, poems, and even recipes. I ended up deciding to stick with mainly poetry and travel pics. But I would like to try expanding my blog and test out a wider range of topics. Feedback is always appreciated so please let me know what you like and what you want to see more of!
Interaction. In the past few months, I’ve come to learn that the blogging world mostly consists of bloggers encouraging, uplifting and supporting each other! I love the community energy and will do my best to engage more. 💗
Confidence. I’ve been doing self-healing work, acknowledging my shadows, and letting go of the need for perfection. Throughout my life, I’ve dealt with bouts of low self-esteem and perfectionism (a terrible combo). So I aim to just flow more freely and openly going forward. One baby step at a time though 😅
Anyway…
That’s an update on where I’ve been. Not missing in action, just working on my energy. I love you all and can’t wait to share positive vibes!
If you’ve got any tips or advice for any of my commitments, or any feedback in general, I’m all ears!
Does each person in your family have a specific unofficial role during holidays and other special occasions? Because in mine, we pretty much all have a role! 😅
I grew up always wanting to be a lot like my mom, so I’d be in the kitchen with her watching her cook every day. We’d bake different desserts together. She’d let me try my own thing sometimes, too. Inventar, as the Latin mommas say!
And if you didn’t catch on, my mom’s unofficial official role was head chef for all our special occasions. Why? It’s simple. She loves to cook. She cooks with lots of love and it’s obvious once you smell, see and taste her amazing dishes!
But while she cooks all the main dishes for all occasions, it’s up to me to select and create dessert! It’s not my only role, but it’s probably my favorite! 🤷♀️ Let’s walk through the different things expected of each person in my immediate family during a holiday. Christmas, to be specific!
Gift Shopping
This one’s on everyone pretty much. But more often than not, everyone is asking me for help picking out gifts for everyone! I don’t mind, as I love the feeling of satisfaction when someone opens a gift I helped pick out and they actually love it! I think I’m pretty good at shopping! My dad somehow gets dragged to all the stores too, so I’d say main shoppers are my dad and I. Sorry Dad!
Food
My mom tends to go all out in the kitchen for holidays, but she doesn’t do it alone! My brother’s wife is also an amazing cook, and sometimes, I can barely tell the difference between her food and my mom’s! And that’s a big deal! My mom typically does the main dishes, while my sister-in-law does the sides. And as mentioned previously, I take care of dessert! My dad always sets the table though!
Entertainment
For just about any occasion, we can count on my brother to provide the music as well as what we watch on TV. Does he take suggestions though? 😬 If you’re nice?
Beverage
This one’s on my dad, brother and sister. And it’s usually a last minute trip to the liquor store! Haha But typically it’s my dad or sister pouring drinks, or just being the main ones drinking!
Gift Wrapping
Maybe it’s because of my attention to detail, but for some reason, everyone’s gifts end up in my closet for me to wrap up…I don’t mind though! The fun part is I end up not labeling any gifts in an obvious way, so only I know what’s what!
Playing with the Kids
Kids make holidays even more special, especially Christmas, where you get to see them smile when they open up their presents! But they also need entertainment! I’m really good at keeping them (my nephews and my son) occupied, but my sister and my sister-in-law are great as well!
Wrapping Up the Night
At the end of a great holiday, comes time to clean up and put things away. Everyone tries to pitch in, but inevitably my mom and sister-in-law take care of the kitchen disproportionately, while the rest of us take care of all the other things.
I sometimes wonder what kind of roles my son and my nephews will take on in our family, as they get older. 🤔
What about you? Do you have a certain role in your family, especially during the holidays? I’d love to know if your family is similar to mine or totally different! 💗
Lola M Kelly 