Letting Go

Why should I let go?
It’s not that I want to
It’s that the feelings are stronger
Than I’d care to admit
And it’s easier to let them float away with the wind
Than to let them soak in the waters that were created by the tears that I’ve cried while waiting for a solid sign
The earth that I stand on quivers and shakes with every thought
And every sigh
The fire…it
Burns.
It’s not that I want to let go
But that it feels like the only way out of this…insanity
Do I feel ashamed that I can give and give
Without condition
With full submission?
No. Not at all.
But logic will tell me that it makes no sense
That I should give up feeling what is just pretend
Just a daydream
Just a fantasy
But then again
It would take just one move
One word
One look
And logic walks right out the door
As I let you back in
And the entire cycle begins again
So do I let go
And then it’s gone for good?
Or keep holding on
Until I’m gone?

2022-08-27 0

18 Questions to Ask Yourself

So every once in while, you might get the feeling that you’re stuck in a rut, monotony, a cycle of doom, or whatever else you might call it. It’s important to really check in with yourself, mentally and emotionally, so that you can figure out a way to move forward in life. If you’re finding it a bit difficult to get the ball rolling, it’s helpful to have a list of questions to ask yourself, to get to know yourself, your needs, your desires, a little better.

Here are 18 questions that I often consider whenever I’m going through one of those “I’m stuck, poor me” moods!

Questions to ask yourself

Do I enjoy my daily activities?
Do I like my current job?
Do I prefer to work for a company, or do I want to run my own business?
If I had to listen to my friends speak frankly about me, would I like what they have to say about me?
What are my top 3 positive personality traits?
What are my top 3 negative personality traits?
What am I insecure about?
Do I feel energized after spending time with the people who are around me the most? Or do I usually feel drained?
Do I feel confident when talking to someone new about my work, career, accomplishments, etc.?
Do I prefer to have a structured schedule, or to just go with the flow?
Do I prefer being indoors, or being outdoors?
Do I like working on my own? Or do I prefer to work in a team?
Do I feel like I can express myself as freely as I’d like to?
Is there a certain way I typically handle conflict with other people? Does it actually help, or often make things worse?
Do I have any habits I want to quit?
Do I feel comfortable at home?
Do I tend to hold onto things for a long time “just in case”, or do I let go of things I have no need for?
When I see someone doing something I’ve wanted to do, do I feel genuinely happy for them? Or do I feel jealous?

There are so many more questions I sometimes ask myself, but we’re not going to turn this post into a whole novel. Ha ha. What are some questions you consider when you’re feeling like it’s time for a change in your life? Let me know! 💖

2021-04-30 2

Unsending Messages

Unsent a message
Just as soon as you sent it
But I took a screen shot of the notification
A mouthful about nothing if you had to unsend it
A whole paragraph about things you’ve been feeling
Just to take it all back
To make me think that I’m seeing things
If it isn’t there now, did it never exist?
Typing, typing
Stop.
Offline.
Well, just say what you have to say
Or don’t bother at all
What’s the difference if you’re scared and always “unsending” your feelings?
Alright, let me say something, for a change:
I’m not sitting around waiting, so if you want something, express it.
Don’t take it back shyly. It’s not cute or appealing.
I like…
Determination.
Expression.
Confidence.

Hit Send!

Okay, wait… did I really just send that?

2021-04-15 0

Bedtime Tea

Just like this tea, I am in need

Of some sugar, honey, and maybe cream

So hot and spicy

This ginger tea

To ease the pain

Of my unsettled woes

To ease the strain

On my severed hopes

To soothe my throat

After all this crying

To give me life

When I feel I’m dying

Just like this tea

I can heal my pain

Forget the sadness

Ignore the rain

Take joy in each sip

From the cup that’s life

Go on with my day

Until it turns to night

Just like this tea

I am in need

To be poured into a vessel

And be held

And ease

2021-01-19 0

Impromptu Break

For the past month or so, I haven’t posted anything on my blog. And I barely posted and interacted on social media in general. For some reason, I just felt… blocked. Each time I tried to post something, it just didn’t feel right. I know what you might be thinking, and trust me, I’ve thought it too: “Just do it!” Right? But I’m big on energy. The energy didn’t feel right. And so, to preserve my own energy, I decided to just take a break from the online world.

It was a much needed transition from 2020 into 2021.

Often, we act like things will automatically change when the year changes, or when the month changes, or when the season changes. And that’s not truly the case, which is why new year’s resolutions often fail. Small, gradual lifestyle changes are much more likely to stick. And these lead to greater, more profound changes that will really make a nice impact on your life. This year, instead of coming up with resolutions that I know I won’t stick to, I’ve been thinking about what I want to experience and how I want to impact people. And the little changes I can implement here and there to help me reach those goals.

A few things I will do my best to commit to are…

Consistency. This one is difficult, as a full-time employee and single mother. Getting anything else done, besides working for my regular paycheck and taking care of my little one, is a struggle more often than not. My number one priority is my son, and I don’t want to take away from quality time with him during the very important toddler years. He’s learning and growing so much everyday! Lately, we have been working on ways to keep him happily occupied while I take care of other tasks.

New Content. When I first started this blog, it was really just a place where I’d upload travel pics, random thoughts, poems, and even recipes. I ended up deciding to stick with mainly poetry and travel pics. But I would like to try expanding my blog and test out a wider range of topics. Feedback is always appreciated so please let me know what you like and what you want to see more of!

Interaction. In the past few months, I’ve come to learn that the blogging world mostly consists of bloggers encouraging, uplifting and supporting each other! I love the community energy and will do my best to engage more. 💗

Confidence. I’ve been doing self-healing work, acknowledging my shadows, and letting go of the need for perfection. Throughout my life, I’ve dealt with bouts of low self-esteem and perfectionism (a terrible combo). So I aim to just flow more freely and openly going forward. One baby step at a time though 😅

Anyway…

That’s an update on where I’ve been. Not missing in action, just working on my energy. I love you all and can’t wait to share positive vibes!

If you’ve got any tips or advice for any of my commitments, or any feedback in general, I’m all ears!

2021-01-14 3

Woke

Nervous
Because the memory, of things which haven’t occurred, haunts me
And I am bound with these invisible yet burdensome chains
To a spirit of enlightenment
That no one will believe
Unless they, too, are free

2020-11-19 0

Just my imagination

It’s just my imagination

When I open my eyes and see you next to me

Right?

When you text me

When you call me

When you say my name as if you’re falling

There’s nothing really there

Right?

It’s just my imagination

When you rush to my side when I’m feeling down

Right?

When you protect me

When you uplift me

When you say you’ll always be there for me

There’s nothing really there

Right?

It’s just my imagination

When you talk about the future and my role in it

Right?

When you say you need me

When you say you want me

When you tell me “please don’t leave me”

There’s nothing really there

Right?

It’s just my imagination?

Right?

Right.

2020-11-13 0

I Wonder

What does it feel like

To be in your shoes?

I wonder

As I sit here sulking

Soaking in the madness of my life

I wonder if it’s better where you are

Do you, too, look up at the stars

And wonder if they’re brighter

To someone worlds apart?

2020-11-08 0

Dear Honey

I set my bowl of honey
With hopes you’d fly in
I poured it all on me
Let it cover my skin
I prayed for your loving
I prayed for your sin
I hoped you would touch me
And that we’d begin

I waited and waited
Let it drip to the floor
I pictured you craving
Consumption and more
I felt what it’d feel like
If you came through that door
Got lost in my thoughts
‘Til all the honey was poured

2020-11-02 3

Letter to Him

I’ve been dreaming of him a lot. Ever since I got to know him. It always seems like I am trying to face one of my insecurities in each dream. And despite that, I’m always so happy to see him there. It’s comforting, pleasant. And he always seems to be there for me, to make me feel loved and reassured.

You used to do that for me too, in real life. You’d make me feel comfortable and like I could really be open, like I didn’t have to hide. I wanted to make myself even better just for you. I was vulnerable because I felt safe. I felt… home. I didn’t want to run away. For once. So why did you push me away? Why?

2020-01-05 0