Unsent a message Just as soon as you sent it But I took a screen shot of the notification A mouthful about nothing if you had to unsend it A whole paragraph about things you’ve been feeling Just to take it all back To make me think that I’m seeing things If it isn’t there now, did it never exist? Typing, typing Stop. Offline. Well, just say what you have to say Or don’t bother at all What’s the difference if you’re scared and always “unsending” your feelings? Alright, let me say something, for a change: I’m not sitting around waiting, so if you want something, express it. Don’t take it back shyly. It’s not cute or appealing. I like… Determination. Expression. Confidence.
11:11 Hello my friend So good to see you again Time to recycle old feelings And renew these vows until the end
Look at my reflection And you’ll see yourself For your eyes see through my soul And my soul is in tune with yours Entangled
Do you remember when we first locked eyes? It seems like we can escape time Like we’ve met before in a previous life Like we’ve known each other Like you were mine
11:11 I think of you And you just show up No need to call you You hear my thoughts And respond in an instant
If I could choose a friend for the end of the world I’d choose you again and again
I feel this melancholy like I’m missing you I’m missing you like I’ve been with you I’m feeling like I’m needing you Not in the way that I can’t live without you But I don’t want to be without you
11:11 You emerge again You awaken me from my slumber You ignite my hunger You set the fire and walk away Then tell me that you should’ve stayed Come closer, without delay
I set my bowl of honey With hopes you’d fly in I poured it all on me Let it cover my skin I prayed for your loving I prayed for your sin I hoped you would touch me And that we’d begin
I waited and waited Let it drip to the floor I pictured you craving Consumption and more I felt what it’d feel like If you came through that door Got lost in my thoughts ‘Til all the honey was poured
And then there was “him.” Oh how many times I wish this weren’t a thing, but there it is. Deeper than the undiscovered parts of the seas. This is the longest I’ve been this irrational when it comes to a man. Seriously. This space shuttle burst into flames before even launching. I wish he would just fucking decide what it is he fucking wants. Maybe then I can set myself free. I just feel like no matter what, I keep thinking back at all the stupid potential. Honestly, “potential” is such a stupid word to even use. What the fuck is potential? So he has the potential to be a great partner in a committed relationship? But is he a great partner right now? Nah. I seriously need an intervention. Sometimes I think the only thing that will ever set me free from his “potential” is for a charming man to come along, sweep me off my feet, throw me up in the air and catch me as I gently fall without even noticing how in love we are.
I know exactly why he keeps me around. So it’s even dumber that I am still thinking about his “potential.” He keeps me around because he knows I will always respond. I will always react. I will always accept. I will always understand. I think it’s time I stop being so damn understanding. People make excuses for the way they mistreat me and I just understand. I should start taking things personally perhaps. But then again, when I make it known that I don’t accept things, I am told I have overreacted.
So I guess he really is a narcissist. He twists things around so that he can do whatever the fuck he wants while maintaining that “big heart, good intentions” charm. I’m over it.
Not really.
But I wish I was.
I really wish I could just get over it. I’ve tried. I can’t stop it. It’s so difficult. Practically impossible. How does one break the ties between two people who never gave each other a full chance? Everything is so mild. Everything besides the connection, that is. The connection itself–the energy, the love–it’s so deep, strong, attractive, intense.
I just want to fast forward to a day when I’m happily committed to someone who is happily committed to me. Simple.
Lola M Kelly 