Unsending Messages

Unsent a message
Just as soon as you sent it
But I took a screen shot of the notification
A mouthful about nothing if you had to unsend it
A whole paragraph about things you’ve been feeling
Just to take it all back
To make me think that I’m seeing things
If it isn’t there now, did it never exist?
Typing, typing
Stop.
Offline.
Well, just say what you have to say
Or don’t bother at all
What’s the difference if you’re scared and always “unsending” your feelings?
Alright, let me say something, for a change:
I’m not sitting around waiting, so if you want something, express it.
Don’t take it back shyly. It’s not cute or appealing.
I like…
Determination.
Expression.
Confidence.

Hit Send!

Okay, wait… did I really just send that?

11:11, a poem

a poem about twin flames

11:11
Hello my friend
So good to see you again
Time to recycle old feelings
And renew these vows until the end


Look at my reflection
And you’ll see yourself
For your eyes see through my soul
And my soul is in tune with yours
Entangled


Do you remember when we first locked eyes?
It seems like we can escape time
Like we’ve met before in a previous life
Like we’ve known each other
Like you were mine


11:11
I think of you
And you just show up
No need to call you
You hear my thoughts
And respond in an instant


If I could choose a friend for the end of the world
I’d choose you again and again


I feel this melancholy like I’m missing you
I’m missing you like I’ve been with you
I’m feeling like I’m needing you
Not in the way that I can’t live without you
But I don’t want to be without you


11:11
You emerge again
You awaken me from my slumber
You ignite my hunger
You set the fire and walk away
Then tell me that you should’ve stayed
Come closer, without delay


11:11
My twin flame

Dear Honey

I set my bowl of honey
With hopes you’d fly in
I poured it all on me
Let it cover my skin
I prayed for your loving
I prayed for your sin
I hoped you would touch me
And that we’d begin

I waited and waited
Let it drip to the floor
I pictured you craving
Consumption and more
I felt what it’d feel like
If you came through that door
Got lost in my thoughts
‘Til all the honey was poured

Playing the Field

And then there was “him.” Oh how many times I wish this weren’t a thing, but there it is. Deeper than the undiscovered parts of the seas. This is the longest I’ve been this irrational when it comes to a man. Seriously. This space shuttle burst into flames before even launching. I wish he would just fucking decide what it is he fucking wants. Maybe then I can set myself free. I just feel like no matter what, I keep thinking back at all the stupid potential. Honestly, “potential” is such a stupid word to even use. What the fuck is potential? So he has the potential to be a great partner in a committed relationship? But is he a great partner right now? Nah. I seriously need an intervention. Sometimes I think the only thing that will ever set me free from his “potential” is for a charming man to come along, sweep me off my feet, throw me up in the air and catch me as I gently fall without even noticing how in love we are.

I know exactly why he keeps me around. So it’s even dumber that I am still thinking about his “potential.” He keeps me around because he knows I will always respond. I will always react. I will always accept. I will always understand. I think it’s time I stop being so damn understanding. People make excuses for the way they mistreat me and I just understand. I should start taking things personally perhaps. But then again, when I make it known that I don’t accept things, I am told I have overreacted.

So I guess he really is a narcissist. He twists things around so that he can do whatever the fuck he wants while maintaining that “big heart, good intentions” charm. I’m over it.

Not really.

But I wish I was.

I really wish I could just get over it. I’ve tried. I can’t stop it. It’s so difficult. Practically impossible. How does one break the ties between two people who never gave each other a full chance? Everything is so mild. Everything besides the connection, that is. The connection itself–the energy, the love–it’s so deep, strong, attractive, intense.

I just want to fast forward to a day when I’m happily committed to someone who is happily committed to me. Simple.

 

20170625_112532
Somewhere in Indiana, June 2017

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