I Wonder

What does it feel like

To be in your shoes?

I wonder

As I sit here sulking

Soaking in the madness of my life

I wonder if it’s better where you are

Do you, too, look up at the stars

And wonder if they’re brighter

To someone worlds apart?

Dear Honey

I set my bowl of honey
With hopes youโ€™d fly in
I poured it all on me
Let it cover my skin
I prayed for your loving
I prayed for your sin
I hoped you would touch me
And that weโ€™d begin

I waited and waited
Let it drip to the floor
I pictured you craving
Consumption and more
I felt what itโ€™d feel like
If you came through that door
Got lost in my thoughts
โ€˜Til all the honey was poured

5 ways to find peace within

There are some things in this lifetime that I have been through… and looking back, I sometimes wonder just how exactly did I get through those tough times? It seems that sometimes I barely made it, hanging by a thread. And now I just feel so good about my life, in general!

So how can we all start to feel good about ourselves and our lives everyday, and get through all the tough times? They’re inevitable, so might as well be prepared with some tools to help turn the page into a better part of the chapter.

1. Journal. I know it’s been said to do this in just about every self help article and book. But writing down what you feel, what you are facing, what you are trying to do, etc. really helps you put things into perspective. Not only will it help you really assess the gravity of your situation, but it may also lead you to feel gratitude for the things that are going right.

2. Practice Gratitude. This is going to sometimes be the most difficult thing to do when it feels like your whole world is broken, but trust me, it will help! You can start with the basics: I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful for the food I am about eat. Then move on to bigger, more complex things. I am grateful for my family’s support. I am grateful to have a job. And so on and so forth.

3. Groom Yourself. Yup. Groom yourself. Oftentimes, when I’m feeling down or overwhelmed, I somewhat let myself go without even realizing it. It’s super easy for this to happen as a mother to a toddler. Then suddenly I realize I look less than spectacular, so I finally pluck my eyebrows, trim my hair, polish my nails and start to feel uplifted instantly!

4. Get Outside. Go somewhere, outside! It could be as simple as sitting on a bench at the nearby park, or getting all the way to the beach for some ocean vibes. Do this whenever possible. It will stimulate your senses, to reinvigorate you. You’ll feel clearer, refreshed.

5. Clean Up Your Space. There’s nothing that can weigh me down more on a daily basis than a cluttered living or working space. I try to at least keep everything clean. Tidy and organized is another story. However, when I do finally “reset” things and put everything in its proper place and reorganize, I feel much more clearheaded and ready to take on any task at hand.

Photo taken at Satellite Beach

31 Random Things I Love ๐Ÿ’–

1. When my baby giggles and then squeezes me tightly. ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป

2. Actually understanding something in a new language I’m learning. ๐Ÿ“™

3. When someone understands exactly what I’m saying even though I’m overcomplicating what I’m trying to say. ๐Ÿ™Œ

4. Finding a new song that expresses exactly what someone makes me feel. ๐Ÿ’ž

5. Being able to share that song with that someone. ๐ŸŽถ

6. Good night calls and good morning texts. ๐Ÿ“ฑ

7. Making a dessert for people I love and watching the joy on their face as they eat it. ๐Ÿฐ

8. The way my eyebrows look once I get them done (myself) after growing them out for a while. ๐Ÿคจ

9. Floating around in the ocean water, when the sun and the water are both warm. ๐ŸŒŠ

10. Meeting new interesting people, even if I never see them again. ๐Ÿ‘ฅ

11. When I look good in a selfie with minimal effort. ๐Ÿคณ

12. When my best friends understand the exact meaning of any of my facial expressions. ๐Ÿ˜

13. When a tarot reading confirms something I already kind of knew. ๐Ÿƒ

14. My toe nails, freshly polished. ๐Ÿ‘ฃ

15. When I complete a craft project smoothly! ๐Ÿ“

16. Creating a playlist full of songs that match one of my moods. ๐ŸŽผ

17. Good, cheesy, flavorful pizza. ๐Ÿ•

18. My bed, just made with freshly laundered sheets. ๐Ÿ›Œ

19. Sleeping with a fan on. โ„

20. The flickering of candlelight in a dark room. ๐Ÿ•ฏ

21. The scent of fresh cut flowers. ๐Ÿ’

22. Everything about autumn. The colors, the air, the foods, the festivities. ๐Ÿ‚

23. When my little one just wants to snuggle with me at the end of the day. ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ

24. Long weekends at home, relaxing! ๐Ÿ›‹

25. The butterfly feelings when talking to a crush. ๐Ÿฆ‹

26. An ice cold drink on a hot day! ๐Ÿฅค

27. Writing…anything! โœ

28. Finding a new series to watch, and being hooked on it from the start. ๐Ÿ“บ

29. When the exact outfit you want to wear fits perfectly! ๐Ÿ‘—

30. Freshly trimmed-down finger nails. ๐Ÿ’…

31. Perfect lighting to fit the mood. ๐Ÿ’ก

Like a beached whale…

…but not really.

The year is coming to a close. It’s been real interesting. I became a mother and had an introductory crash course on what life has really been like for my own mother all these years. Motherhood isn’t easy. You miss out on a lot of sleep and self-care. But it’s also very rewarding. The smiles, the cuddles, the coos, the giggles. The fact that when baby is cranky all he wants is mommy. ๐Ÿ˜‡

I have no regrets. I love my baby. Sometimes, I may feel like I can’t get as much done as I would like to. But it doesn’t matter. As long as I take care of the things I need to do in order to care for my little one. He’s the center of my world. And nothing matters more than his well-being, health and happiness. ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ

 

beach sky
New Smyrna Beach, Florida. October 2019

Untitled Update

I don’t have much to complain about right now. Even though I may not be in an “ideal” situation, I’m thoroughly enjoying the process of becoming a better me. And quite honestly, I feel like the Universe has been conspiring in my favor lately.

The way to be happy…is to focus on the things that make you happy.

It really is that simple.

Playing the Field

And then there was โ€œhim.โ€ Oh how many times I wish this werenโ€™t a thing, but there it is. Deeper than the undiscovered parts of the seas. This is the longest Iโ€™ve been this irrational when it comes to a man. Seriously. This space shuttle burst into flames before even launching. I wish he would just fucking decide what it is he fucking wants. Maybe then I can set myself free. I just feel like no matter what, I keep thinking back at all the stupid potential. Honestly, โ€œpotentialโ€ is such a stupid word to even use. What the fuck is potential? So he has the potential to be a great partner in a committed relationship? But is he a great partner right now? Nah. I seriously need an intervention. Sometimes I think the only thing that will ever set me free from his โ€œpotentialโ€ is for a charming man to come along, sweep me off my feet, throw me up in the air and catch me as I gently fall without even noticing how in love we are.

I know exactly why he keeps me around. So itโ€™s even dumber that I am still thinking about his โ€œpotential.โ€ He keeps me around because he knows I will always respond. I will always react. I will always accept. I will always understand. I think itโ€™s time I stop being so damn understanding. People make excuses for the way they mistreat me and I just understand. I should start taking things personally perhaps. But then again, when I make it known that I donโ€™t accept things, I am told I have overreacted.

So I guess he really is a narcissist. He twists things around so that he can do whatever the fuck he wants while maintaining that โ€œbig heart, good intentionsโ€ charm. Iโ€™m over it.

Not really.

But I wish I was.

I really wish I could just get over it. Iโ€™ve tried. I canโ€™t stop it. Itโ€™s so difficult. Practically impossible. How does one break the ties between two people who never gave each other a full chance? Everything is so mild. Everything besides the connection, that is. The connection itself–the energy, the love–itโ€™s so deep, strong, attractive, intense.

I just want to fast forward to a day when Iโ€™m happily committed to someone who is happily committed to me. Simple.

 

20170625_112532
Somewhere in Indiana, June 2017

Focus

I know where I’m going. I know what I’m looking for. I just need to trust that my decisions will get me there. I need to trust that the steps I take, at any given moment, are leading me closer and closer to my destination. Even if I can’t see the full picture. Even if there are obstacles along the way. I will get there. And I’ll dive in fully. Without regrets.

20180325_163332.jpg
Jupiter, FL 03/25/18

Currently Free

Currently

Working on my throat chakra

Trying to express myself

Finding my voice

Surrounding myself with pure divine light

Elevating onto the clouds

Shifting my perspective and position

So that I can breathe

Flowing like a steady river

Free

20170624_131008.jpg
Tennessee River, 06/2017

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