Unsending Messages

Unsent a message
Just as soon as you sent it
But I took a screen shot of the notification
A mouthful about nothing if you had to unsend it
A whole paragraph about things you’ve been feeling
Just to take it all back
To make me think that I’m seeing things
If it isn’t there now, did it never exist?
Typing, typing
Stop.
Offline.
Well, just say what you have to say
Or don’t bother at all
What’s the difference if you’re scared and always “unsending” your feelings?
Alright, let me say something, for a change:
I’m not sitting around waiting, so if you want something, express it.
Don’t take it back shyly. It’s not cute or appealing.
I like…
Determination.
Expression.
Confidence.

Hit Send!

Okay, wait… did I really just send that?

Bedtime Tea

Just like this tea, I am in need

Of some sugar, honey, and maybe cream

So hot and spicy

This ginger tea

To ease the pain

Of my unsettled woes

To ease the strain

On my severed hopes

To soothe my throat

After all this crying

To give me life

When I feel I’m dying

Just like this tea

I can heal my pain

Forget the sadness

Ignore the rain

Take joy in each sip

From the cup that’s life

Go on with my day

Until it turns to night

Just like this tea

I am in need

To be poured into a vessel

And be held

And ease

Family Roles During Holidays!

Does each person in your family have a specific unofficial role during holidays and other special occasions? Because in mine, we pretty much all have a role! 😅

I grew up always wanting to be a lot like my mom, so I’d be in the kitchen with her watching her cook every day. We’d bake different desserts together. She’d let me try my own thing sometimes, too. Inventar, as the Latin mommas say!

And if you didn’t catch on, my mom’s unofficial official role was head chef for all our special occasions. Why? It’s simple. She loves to cook. She cooks with lots of love and it’s obvious once you smell, see and taste her amazing dishes!

But while she cooks all the main dishes for all occasions, it’s up to me to select and create dessert! It’s not my only role, but it’s probably my favorite! 🤷‍♀️ Let’s walk through the different things expected of each person in my immediate family during a holiday. Christmas, to be specific!

Gift Shopping

This one’s on everyone pretty much. But more often than not, everyone is asking me for help picking out gifts for everyone! I don’t mind, as I love the feeling of satisfaction when someone opens a gift I helped pick out and they actually love it! I think I’m pretty good at shopping! My dad somehow gets dragged to all the stores too, so I’d say main shoppers are my dad and I. Sorry Dad!

Food

My mom tends to go all out in the kitchen for holidays, but she doesn’t do it alone! My brother’s wife is also an amazing cook, and sometimes, I can barely tell the difference between her food and my mom’s! And that’s a big deal! My mom typically does the main dishes, while my sister-in-law does the sides. And as mentioned previously, I take care of dessert! My dad always sets the table though!

Entertainment

For just about any occasion, we can count on my brother to provide the music as well as what we watch on TV. Does he take suggestions though? 😬 If you’re nice?

Beverage

This one’s on my dad, brother and sister. And it’s usually a last minute trip to the liquor store! Haha But typically it’s my dad or sister pouring drinks, or just being the main ones drinking!

Gift Wrapping

Maybe it’s because of my attention to detail, but for some reason, everyone’s gifts end up in my closet for me to wrap up…I don’t mind though! The fun part is I end up not labeling any gifts in an obvious way, so only I know what’s what!

Playing with the Kids

Kids make holidays even more special, especially Christmas, where you get to see them smile when they open up their presents! But they also need entertainment! I’m really good at keeping them (my nephews and my son) occupied, but my sister and my sister-in-law are great as well!

Wrapping Up the Night

At the end of a great holiday, comes time to clean up and put things away. Everyone tries to pitch in, but inevitably my mom and sister-in-law take care of the kitchen disproportionately, while the rest of us take care of all the other things.

I sometimes wonder what kind of roles my son and my nephews will take on in our family, as they get older. 🤔

What about you? Do you have a certain role in your family, especially during the holidays? I’d love to know if your family is similar to mine or totally different! 💗

11:11, a poem

a poem about twin flames

11:11
Hello my friend
So good to see you again
Time to recycle old feelings
And renew these vows until the end


Look at my reflection
And you’ll see yourself
For your eyes see through my soul
And my soul is in tune with yours
Entangled


Do you remember when we first locked eyes?
It seems like we can escape time
Like we’ve met before in a previous life
Like we’ve known each other
Like you were mine


11:11
I think of you
And you just show up
No need to call you
You hear my thoughts
And respond in an instant


If I could choose a friend for the end of the world
I’d choose you again and again


I feel this melancholy like I’m missing you
I’m missing you like I’ve been with you
I’m feeling like I’m needing you
Not in the way that I can’t live without you
But I don’t want to be without you


11:11
You emerge again
You awaken me from my slumber
You ignite my hunger
You set the fire and walk away
Then tell me that you should’ve stayed
Come closer, without delay


11:11
My twin flame

Dear Honey

I set my bowl of honey
With hopes you’d fly in
I poured it all on me
Let it cover my skin
I prayed for your loving
I prayed for your sin
I hoped you would touch me
And that we’d begin

I waited and waited
Let it drip to the floor
I pictured you craving
Consumption and more
I felt what it’d feel like
If you came through that door
Got lost in my thoughts
‘Til all the honey was poured

Playing the Field

And then there was “him.” Oh how many times I wish this weren’t a thing, but there it is. Deeper than the undiscovered parts of the seas. This is the longest I’ve been this irrational when it comes to a man. Seriously. This space shuttle burst into flames before even launching. I wish he would just fucking decide what it is he fucking wants. Maybe then I can set myself free. I just feel like no matter what, I keep thinking back at all the stupid potential. Honestly, “potential” is such a stupid word to even use. What the fuck is potential? So he has the potential to be a great partner in a committed relationship? But is he a great partner right now? Nah. I seriously need an intervention. Sometimes I think the only thing that will ever set me free from his “potential” is for a charming man to come along, sweep me off my feet, throw me up in the air and catch me as I gently fall without even noticing how in love we are.

I know exactly why he keeps me around. So it’s even dumber that I am still thinking about his “potential.” He keeps me around because he knows I will always respond. I will always react. I will always accept. I will always understand. I think it’s time I stop being so damn understanding. People make excuses for the way they mistreat me and I just understand. I should start taking things personally perhaps. But then again, when I make it known that I don’t accept things, I am told I have overreacted.

So I guess he really is a narcissist. He twists things around so that he can do whatever the fuck he wants while maintaining that “big heart, good intentions” charm. I’m over it.

Not really.

But I wish I was.

I really wish I could just get over it. I’ve tried. I can’t stop it. It’s so difficult. Practically impossible. How does one break the ties between two people who never gave each other a full chance? Everything is so mild. Everything besides the connection, that is. The connection itself–the energy, the love–it’s so deep, strong, attractive, intense.

I just want to fast forward to a day when I’m happily committed to someone who is happily committed to me. Simple.

 

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Somewhere in Indiana, June 2017

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